25-26 Weeks- Christmas in NYC

I crammed the majority of my finals writing into the beginning of the week and I had great motivation to do so- Brent and I wanted to go to NYC.  It was likely our second to last trip before Baby Hill arrives and we move... I know, we are getting a lot of sympathy for only getting to go a couple more times, right?

Anyway, we decided months ago that we wanted to see the Christmas lights in the City.  So, we set off Thursday morning on the train.  We knew it would be incredibly busy and we were right!  We had to wait several minutes just to get from the train platform to the main floor of Penn Station.

Once we were outside, we walked toward our first destination- Brooklyn Bagel and Coffee Co.  We were so disappointed when we moved to Princeton that we were giving up several decent bagel places in Madison (Gotham especially, but I also miss Bagels Forever = you don't appreciate what you have until it is gone...or 1000 miles away), only to find Princeton seriously lacking in good bagels.  So, when we go to the City, we like to try different bagel places for a cheap breakfast or lunch that we literally cannot get at home.  Brooklyn Bagel definitely hit the spot.  Brent had an everything bagel with jalapeno asiago cream cheese and I had a cinnamon raisin bagel with fig cream cheese.  Yum.

On the High Line

Then, we decided to walk west toward the High Line.  We had wanted to go up all summer just to see this place, but we never made it.  It's a park up in the air in the form of a converted railroad bridge.  It's about half-way up the skyline on the lower west side.  Though I imagine it's more interesting in the summer when the vendors are out and the whole thing is open, it was still really cool to see.  Just to be able to walk a few blocks without having to stop for cars was a treat.  Plus, it was snow covered, and we are snow people.

After the High Line, we walked down to the waterfront at Chelsea Piers, which we had seen from the High Line.  The whole place was completely deserted.  Given how busy the rest of Manhattan was, it was cool to sit on a bench and not see anyone!  We hung out there for a bit and talked about how we will miss being able to come up to the City, but that we miss Madison and cannot wait to go back there.

The view from Chelsea Piers

We caught the subway and walked up the east side of Central Park all the way to the Met, only to find the tree we had been told of was only visible inside the paid-part of the museum.  From there, we took the subway to Rockefeller Center.  The one thing I really wanted to see was the tree.  It was sparkly and beautiful.

Then, it was time for dinner.  I know that some of you will read "vegan" and stop there, but honestly, this was one of the best meals of my life.  We went to Blossom which is a 100% organic vegan restaurant that Brent's coworker told him about.  Brent had seitan scallopini in a lemon caper sauce with truffle mashed potatoes.  I had rigatoni with a porcini mushroom cream sauce garnished with pistachios and onion jam crostini.  Holy cow was it amazing!  Both dishes were awesome, but Brent's was especially good.  Normally, we like vegan food but always think it could be improved with cheese or butter, but for once we didn't miss it.  We joked that we wanted to see the kitchen because we didn't believe what we were eating didn't have dairy.  We finished the night with tiramisu, because you can't leave NYC without dessert.  Oh My.  It was delicious.

Being 6 months pregnant and walking all over the city was a bit rough, but we just took it slowly.  Oddly, it is my legs that are killing me a couple of days later.  Luckily, I needed to return to writing all day yesterday to finish the last bit of graduate work I had left.  I didn't need legs for that!

I'm so thankful that we've been able to enjoy the City while we've been here.  I'm even more thankful for Brent and the rest of our family and friends for all of the generous support, love, and blessings that have filled our lives over the past two and a half years!

Blessings,
Callie

24 weeks

So this sweater isn't doing me any favors, but then again this sweater has never, ever been very flattering.  It is one of the many odd things my mom sent me in high school.  You know, because everyone in high school wishes they had Coldwater Creek sweaters.  But, now it is sentimental and I decided to wear it in honor of 1) our first legitimate snowfall (if 1-3 inches even counts as legit), and 2) I needed a picture to send to my mom and figured, why not?  Maybe it will make her smile, and 3) I have my first Christmas party of the year (a cookie exchange!!) tonight. 
Anyway, my bump is a lot bigger, but probably not quite as huge as this picture seems to indicate.

Also, Brent doesn't understand why one picture of the entire pregnancy will not suffice. 

Updates:
- We finally started our registries and picked out some essentials in the time between midterms and finals.  Our trip to Babies R Us was actually kind of wonderful.  Brent did not pass out.  Instead, he put his engineering skills to use trying to figure out how to collapse various strollers.  The one we ended up picking out- the Britax B-Agile- was the most user-friendly and took the least time to figure out.  We are registered at Babies R Us and also set up a universal registry on Amazon.com. 
- Brent and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving between celebrating with vegetarians in New Jersey and then with his sister, her husband, and their friends in Vermont.  Unfortunately, Thanksgiving coincided with the point in this pregnancy when I no longer have much room in my tummy for all of the things I want to eat = worst Thanksgiving gut ache ever.  I couldn't even eat on Friday.  Also, traveling is no longer very comfortable.  Good thing we are staying put from here on out!
- At our monthly midwife appointment on Thursday, we found out my glucose may be high.  Please pray that it was a fluke and that I pass my official glucose test next month.  The thought of gestational diabetes terrifies me between the restricted diet, the counting of carbs and protein (especially during the holidays), finger pricks, and the potential for a giant baby and health complications for both of us. Apparently it is just something that happens to some women and doesn't mean I did anything wrong, but it still stinks.
- In better appointment news, the baby's heartbeat was nice and strong.  One midwife joked that it sounded like a girl's heartbeat.  She said she likes to guess but that she will change her mind again and again!  It's an old wives' tale anyway, but it is fun to guess.  The baby was also very active at our appointment and we could listen to him/her squirm and see the movement across my belly at the same time.  I love, love, love that I can feel him/her all the time now.

I should get back to writing finals. It is hard to believe that in less than two weeks I'll be done with my masters work.  I will really, truly miss this place and all of the awesome people that we have met.  We've been blessed with so much over the past two and a half years.

Blessings,
Callie

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20-21 Weeks

I have been feeling the baby move around for a couple of weeks now, but it mostly just feels like being on a roller coaster or driving over a hill.  Then, on Thursday I started feeling actual jabs.  It seems like the baby is more active at night and as much as I know I'll regret this at some point- I can't wait 'til he or she starts moving all the time so I don't have to worry between kicks!

I finally finished my five midterms- YAY!  Now, I have lots of little projects and a few long papers and then I am done with my masters!  Everything is due by Dec. 20th, so Dec. 21st will be a really great day!

Then, we'll have to hit the ground running on prepping for baby!  We have been lucky in that several people have already gifted us with free baby gear, but there is a lot of stuff we'll still need.  I've warned Brent for weeks that a trip to Babies R' Us is going to happen in the next week or so.  It's time we both get schooled in what all of these contraptions are.  I'm really excited about it, but I'm also afraid that my husband might faint. 

One thing I thought you all would like to know is that we are in very good hands as far as our midwives go.  Out here, we have two options when it comes to prenatal care- either our midwifery group or another group of OB/GYNs and midwives.  Last time, we went with the latter group.  We had a pretty terrible experience, even apart from the awfulness of losing the baby.  They were impersonal and it just did not feel right.  Working for UW Health before I came to school just set the bar too high for my standards of care. 

So, this time, we tried the other option.  These midwives came highly recommended by neighbors and friends.  Even people that went with the other group before say that they'll try these midwives in the future.  With all of the added anxiety I have this time around, I really needed care providers that I could trust, that made me feel confident in them and in Brent and myself.  These women listen to us; they don't rush us.  Their style is laid back and low-tech, but that doesn't mean that we are all living in the Dark Ages.  We have access to any technology that we could ever need, but we don't feel pressured to do things unnecessarily. 

Just one example of how awesome they are:  I have been struggling with some serious asthma symptoms over the past week and a half.  Since my asthma has not been a problem for the last five years, I was not expecting it to be a problem.  Then, I started coughing and having to use my rescue inhaler every day.  Apparently, this happens to some pregnant women (add that to the list of a billion things nobody ever tells you!!).  About a third of women with a history of mild asthma develop more serious symptoms during pregnancy.  The threat of asthma could mean more monitoring, more expensive tests, more doctors, and a major change in birth plans.  Pretty serious stuff.

Anyway, I called our midwives on Tuesday.  Their office closes at 2, so I was thinking that if I didn't hear by then, I wouldn't hear back until at least the next day.  Instead, one of the midwives (the only one we haven't met in person) called me at 5:15 at night, gave me her cell number, and told me to call her any time before she went to bed at 11.  I ended up talking on the phone with her at 8:30 at night.  Now, there is something that just doesn't happen in a standard practice.  She didn't rush me; she answered all of my questions and listened to my symptoms.  She talked to me mom-to-mom.  She was very nice and very informed.  She gave me options.  We agreed that I should see my primary care physician, but she said that if that didn't work out, she'd still help me.  If you don't have asthma, you may not know how scary it can be to feel like you can't breathe.  Combine that with feeling like you may not be getting enough air to your baby and - well, I'm sure you understand how I felt.  Our midwife put me at ease and helped me come up with a plan.  Fantastic. 

It still stinks to be far from family and friends, but at least we have these midwives to walk us through the process!  We are very grateful for that!

Blessings,
Callie

19 Weeks

Yesterday marked 19 weeks down, just as many to go (at least)!

These pictures are blurry cell phone pictures, but they will have to suffice!  Last night, Brent and I went to James Blake's concert at Union Transfer in Philly.  I cannot describe how awesome the show was.  When I got Brent the tickets for his birthday in June, we were a little bit skeptical about how Blake's electronic, heavily produced sound would translate live, but the show was all the more amazing in that he and his band pulled it off.  So incredible.  Also, James Blake is adorable....Just saying.
Two friends joined us and it was all around a good night.  But, standing for that long wasn't easy for this pregnant girl.

Since I've been getting a lot of questions lately, which is fine and goes with the territory, I thought today's post would work as FAQs. 

Q: How are you feeling?
A: This is a tough one because I always feel guilty for not feeling absolutely amazing.  We have wanted this baby for a very, very long time and so far, I love being pregnant.  I've also been very lucky in that I have not had severe morning sickness.  However, I do have severe allergies that have plagued me for a month now and have not allowed me a good night's sleep.  I had bad allergies before, but nothing compared to this!  Also, I'm still waiting for that second trimester BURST of energy that all the baby books speak of...  So tired.  All the time.
It is all worth it though, even the sneezing attacks at 4 am that wake up Brent and the dog.
And, I still feel well enough to do a lot of the things I love.  School work, not so much.

Q: When is your due date?
A: Our official due date is March 31st, 2014, but our baby could arrive full term any time between March 9th and April 14th.

Q: Do you know if you are having a boy or girl?
A: Nope!  We have decided to be surprised and would prefer that our baby gear be gender neutral anyway.  

Q: Where will you be when the baby is born?
A: Your guess is as good as ours :-)  It's likely that we will still be in New Jersey, but there is a small chance that we'll be able to move before then.  Our (incredibly) tentative plan is to move to Madison either before or after baby. 

Q: Speaking of plans, what are your plans next year?  What about spring semester?
A: I am taking extra credits right now so that I can finish my coursework at the end of December.  I cannot graduate in December, but I will not have classes in the Spring and will graduate then... If I can manage to keep up this semester.  So far, so good.  Good as in I'm still afloat, but definitely not enjoying it.

To become a chaplain, I have to complete a 9-12 month clinical pastoral education residency, much like I did this summer except for a lot longer.  These residencies exist all over the country (and in Canada!!!) and generally start in August.  Seeing as we'll have a new baby this Autumn, we have decided to put the residency off for a year.  It won't be easy with a 1.5 year old either, but it will be manageable if we play our cards right. 

So, that brings us to Madison.  Basically, there is no good reason to stay in NJ.  We love our friends, but sooner or later they will all be leaving too.  The cost of living is ridiculous, and our families are a thousand miles away.  While we have parties voting for us to settle in Illinois or Michigan (you know who you are), we feel compelled to return to Madison, if only to hang out for a year as we get used to being parents and I study for my last two ordination exams and apply for residencies.  We have extended family and a few really close friends there.  Plus, Madison is our kind of place and it is a good midpoint between family in northern Wisconsin, Michigan, and Illinois.  

Then, depending on the program I get into, we'll move again.  Don't worry too much; The programs I'm looking at are all in the Midwest...oh, and Canada, but that is just a dream.

And then, we'll move again.  Notice a pattern?

That's all for today!  Let me know if you have questions I can answer in future posts.  Also, feel free to send leftover Halloween candy our way.

Blessings.

Callie

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

You may be wondering why I would start writing about my current pregnancy with such a reminder, but this is where our story begins.  For those of you who don't already know, we lost our first baby last September to an early miscarriage.  What we found out then was that although this phenomenon touches the lives of countless people (an estimated 15-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage) including many we know personally, nobody really talks about it.  We could barely talk about it.  But, it would have been easier on us if there wasn't such a stigma, so today I'm talking about it.  Specifically, this post is about what it means for us this time around. 

This pregnancy is radically different because of what happened before.  Our initial excitement was countered from the start with nervous apprehension.  For better or worse, we could no longer naively assume that everything would go well or that we'd even have a baby to bring home.  I held my breath until we heard a heartbeat, until our first full midwife exam, until we reached the first major milestone of 12 weeks when the risk of miscarriage drops significantly.  Even now at 16 weeks, I still get a bit worried between appointments.

Yet, within all of this nervous waiting, I have found something very unexpected- trust.  I have learned to trust my body.  It is truly awesome that our bodies know how to create new beings.   All I need to do is eat, sleep, and maybe shower once in awhile, and my body does all of the hard work on it's own. 

Most importantly, I have also learned to trust God.  It's not about trusting that nothing will go wrong- but trusting that no matter what happens, we will get through it. We will, because we did. 

Through the process, I have found ways to manage my nerves.  We found a great midwifery team that we trust (there's that word again) and a way of going about this that works for us.  Frequently, I just have to pause for a moment and remember to breathe and be present in the moment.  Then, I cherish how far we have come instead of thinking about all of the unknowns and what-ifs.

As the weeks have gone by, it has only gotten better.

We'll always be touched by what we've been through, but it no longer hovers over us like it did early on.  On pregnancy forums, women use a seemingly silly term for pregnancies and babies that come after a loss- they call them rainbow babies.  From my vantage point- it isn't silly at all. 

Thank you to everyone who supported us through our loss and carried us through.  It was a lonely and isolating experience but it meant a lot to know so many people were thinking of us.  Thank you, also, for the patience and grace that was shown to us when we weren't particularly pleasant to be around. 

There is obviously a lot more I could say about this painful experience and the dark days, weeks, and months that we went through, but I think I'll leave it here for now.  If anyone ever wants to talk about it or has questions, including how to support someone going through a similar experience, just let me know.

Here is one woman's brief post that I really related to last year:
http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/my-pregnancy/coping-with-miscarriage-pregnancy-secret/

That's all for today.  In the coming weeks, there will be plenty of pictures and updates here for family and friends.  We've been asked by many to provide updates since we are so far away.
We are limiting Facebook posts on the subject out of respect for those who are currently struggling with fertility issues and loss, and because not everyone cares :-) 

Blessings,

Callie