20-21 Weeks

I have been feeling the baby move around for a couple of weeks now, but it mostly just feels like being on a roller coaster or driving over a hill.  Then, on Thursday I started feeling actual jabs.  It seems like the baby is more active at night and as much as I know I'll regret this at some point- I can't wait 'til he or she starts moving all the time so I don't have to worry between kicks!

I finally finished my five midterms- YAY!  Now, I have lots of little projects and a few long papers and then I am done with my masters!  Everything is due by Dec. 20th, so Dec. 21st will be a really great day!

Then, we'll have to hit the ground running on prepping for baby!  We have been lucky in that several people have already gifted us with free baby gear, but there is a lot of stuff we'll still need.  I've warned Brent for weeks that a trip to Babies R' Us is going to happen in the next week or so.  It's time we both get schooled in what all of these contraptions are.  I'm really excited about it, but I'm also afraid that my husband might faint. 

One thing I thought you all would like to know is that we are in very good hands as far as our midwives go.  Out here, we have two options when it comes to prenatal care- either our midwifery group or another group of OB/GYNs and midwives.  Last time, we went with the latter group.  We had a pretty terrible experience, even apart from the awfulness of losing the baby.  They were impersonal and it just did not feel right.  Working for UW Health before I came to school just set the bar too high for my standards of care. 

So, this time, we tried the other option.  These midwives came highly recommended by neighbors and friends.  Even people that went with the other group before say that they'll try these midwives in the future.  With all of the added anxiety I have this time around, I really needed care providers that I could trust, that made me feel confident in them and in Brent and myself.  These women listen to us; they don't rush us.  Their style is laid back and low-tech, but that doesn't mean that we are all living in the Dark Ages.  We have access to any technology that we could ever need, but we don't feel pressured to do things unnecessarily. 

Just one example of how awesome they are:  I have been struggling with some serious asthma symptoms over the past week and a half.  Since my asthma has not been a problem for the last five years, I was not expecting it to be a problem.  Then, I started coughing and having to use my rescue inhaler every day.  Apparently, this happens to some pregnant women (add that to the list of a billion things nobody ever tells you!!).  About a third of women with a history of mild asthma develop more serious symptoms during pregnancy.  The threat of asthma could mean more monitoring, more expensive tests, more doctors, and a major change in birth plans.  Pretty serious stuff.

Anyway, I called our midwives on Tuesday.  Their office closes at 2, so I was thinking that if I didn't hear by then, I wouldn't hear back until at least the next day.  Instead, one of the midwives (the only one we haven't met in person) called me at 5:15 at night, gave me her cell number, and told me to call her any time before she went to bed at 11.  I ended up talking on the phone with her at 8:30 at night.  Now, there is something that just doesn't happen in a standard practice.  She didn't rush me; she answered all of my questions and listened to my symptoms.  She talked to me mom-to-mom.  She was very nice and very informed.  She gave me options.  We agreed that I should see my primary care physician, but she said that if that didn't work out, she'd still help me.  If you don't have asthma, you may not know how scary it can be to feel like you can't breathe.  Combine that with feeling like you may not be getting enough air to your baby and - well, I'm sure you understand how I felt.  Our midwife put me at ease and helped me come up with a plan.  Fantastic. 

It still stinks to be far from family and friends, but at least we have these midwives to walk us through the process!  We are very grateful for that!

Blessings,
Callie

19 Weeks

Yesterday marked 19 weeks down, just as many to go (at least)!

These pictures are blurry cell phone pictures, but they will have to suffice!  Last night, Brent and I went to James Blake's concert at Union Transfer in Philly.  I cannot describe how awesome the show was.  When I got Brent the tickets for his birthday in June, we were a little bit skeptical about how Blake's electronic, heavily produced sound would translate live, but the show was all the more amazing in that he and his band pulled it off.  So incredible.  Also, James Blake is adorable....Just saying.
Two friends joined us and it was all around a good night.  But, standing for that long wasn't easy for this pregnant girl.

Since I've been getting a lot of questions lately, which is fine and goes with the territory, I thought today's post would work as FAQs. 

Q: How are you feeling?
A: This is a tough one because I always feel guilty for not feeling absolutely amazing.  We have wanted this baby for a very, very long time and so far, I love being pregnant.  I've also been very lucky in that I have not had severe morning sickness.  However, I do have severe allergies that have plagued me for a month now and have not allowed me a good night's sleep.  I had bad allergies before, but nothing compared to this!  Also, I'm still waiting for that second trimester BURST of energy that all the baby books speak of...  So tired.  All the time.
It is all worth it though, even the sneezing attacks at 4 am that wake up Brent and the dog.
And, I still feel well enough to do a lot of the things I love.  School work, not so much.

Q: When is your due date?
A: Our official due date is March 31st, 2014, but our baby could arrive full term any time between March 9th and April 14th.

Q: Do you know if you are having a boy or girl?
A: Nope!  We have decided to be surprised and would prefer that our baby gear be gender neutral anyway.  

Q: Where will you be when the baby is born?
A: Your guess is as good as ours :-)  It's likely that we will still be in New Jersey, but there is a small chance that we'll be able to move before then.  Our (incredibly) tentative plan is to move to Madison either before or after baby. 

Q: Speaking of plans, what are your plans next year?  What about spring semester?
A: I am taking extra credits right now so that I can finish my coursework at the end of December.  I cannot graduate in December, but I will not have classes in the Spring and will graduate then... If I can manage to keep up this semester.  So far, so good.  Good as in I'm still afloat, but definitely not enjoying it.

To become a chaplain, I have to complete a 9-12 month clinical pastoral education residency, much like I did this summer except for a lot longer.  These residencies exist all over the country (and in Canada!!!) and generally start in August.  Seeing as we'll have a new baby this Autumn, we have decided to put the residency off for a year.  It won't be easy with a 1.5 year old either, but it will be manageable if we play our cards right. 

So, that brings us to Madison.  Basically, there is no good reason to stay in NJ.  We love our friends, but sooner or later they will all be leaving too.  The cost of living is ridiculous, and our families are a thousand miles away.  While we have parties voting for us to settle in Illinois or Michigan (you know who you are), we feel compelled to return to Madison, if only to hang out for a year as we get used to being parents and I study for my last two ordination exams and apply for residencies.  We have extended family and a few really close friends there.  Plus, Madison is our kind of place and it is a good midpoint between family in northern Wisconsin, Michigan, and Illinois.  

Then, depending on the program I get into, we'll move again.  Don't worry too much; The programs I'm looking at are all in the Midwest...oh, and Canada, but that is just a dream.

And then, we'll move again.  Notice a pattern?

That's all for today!  Let me know if you have questions I can answer in future posts.  Also, feel free to send leftover Halloween candy our way.

Blessings.

Callie

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

You may be wondering why I would start writing about my current pregnancy with such a reminder, but this is where our story begins.  For those of you who don't already know, we lost our first baby last September to an early miscarriage.  What we found out then was that although this phenomenon touches the lives of countless people (an estimated 15-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage) including many we know personally, nobody really talks about it.  We could barely talk about it.  But, it would have been easier on us if there wasn't such a stigma, so today I'm talking about it.  Specifically, this post is about what it means for us this time around. 

This pregnancy is radically different because of what happened before.  Our initial excitement was countered from the start with nervous apprehension.  For better or worse, we could no longer naively assume that everything would go well or that we'd even have a baby to bring home.  I held my breath until we heard a heartbeat, until our first full midwife exam, until we reached the first major milestone of 12 weeks when the risk of miscarriage drops significantly.  Even now at 16 weeks, I still get a bit worried between appointments.

Yet, within all of this nervous waiting, I have found something very unexpected- trust.  I have learned to trust my body.  It is truly awesome that our bodies know how to create new beings.   All I need to do is eat, sleep, and maybe shower once in awhile, and my body does all of the hard work on it's own. 

Most importantly, I have also learned to trust God.  It's not about trusting that nothing will go wrong- but trusting that no matter what happens, we will get through it. We will, because we did. 

Through the process, I have found ways to manage my nerves.  We found a great midwifery team that we trust (there's that word again) and a way of going about this that works for us.  Frequently, I just have to pause for a moment and remember to breathe and be present in the moment.  Then, I cherish how far we have come instead of thinking about all of the unknowns and what-ifs.

As the weeks have gone by, it has only gotten better.

We'll always be touched by what we've been through, but it no longer hovers over us like it did early on.  On pregnancy forums, women use a seemingly silly term for pregnancies and babies that come after a loss- they call them rainbow babies.  From my vantage point- it isn't silly at all. 

Thank you to everyone who supported us through our loss and carried us through.  It was a lonely and isolating experience but it meant a lot to know so many people were thinking of us.  Thank you, also, for the patience and grace that was shown to us when we weren't particularly pleasant to be around. 

There is obviously a lot more I could say about this painful experience and the dark days, weeks, and months that we went through, but I think I'll leave it here for now.  If anyone ever wants to talk about it or has questions, including how to support someone going through a similar experience, just let me know.

Here is one woman's brief post that I really related to last year:
http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/my-pregnancy/coping-with-miscarriage-pregnancy-secret/

That's all for today.  In the coming weeks, there will be plenty of pictures and updates here for family and friends.  We've been asked by many to provide updates since we are so far away.
We are limiting Facebook posts on the subject out of respect for those who are currently struggling with fertility issues and loss, and because not everyone cares :-) 

Blessings,

Callie

And here we are again!

I realize it has been nearly a year since I wrote a new post.  Part of me is very ashamed, as we have all seen so many blogs start and not make it to the end of a year.  I swore when I started this that it would NOT happen to me, but it did.  As always, I have many great excuses.

1. I started graduate school at a very demanding academic institution.
2. I moved twice.
3. I got married, also twice (to the same person, of course)
4. We adopted a crazy dog.
5. My camera is in a state of semi-brokenness, which equals mediocre photos and zero reliability.

It really is a shame since this past year has most definitely been the most emotionally and spiritually demanding best year of my life.  I cannot rehash the entire thing here, but I will highlight some major non-food related happenings.

1. Princeton Theological Seminary
 What can I even say?  Returning to school has been a real mixed-bag.  If only I could talk to my high school self and laugh in her face when she thought Advanced English was demanding.  Welcome to graduate school, where you will have more reading than you can ever possibly do, classmates that are almost all very committed, studious, articulate, etc....., and course material that is borderline too much for your tiny brain to handle.  It is truly amazing, though, to be at an institution celebrating it's 200th year of challenging people harboring a vague sense of God's call to discern and fully commit to a life of Christian service.
I am not a mystic and do not "see dead people," but I often can sense the presence of all of those who have come here before me.  This feeling comforts me in the sense that I am not a pioneer, and it is incredibly humbling.

2. CRW (AKA our campus family housing complex)
While technically part of PTS, CRW (short for Charlotte Rachel Wilson apartments) is a world of it's own.  I am constantly reminded of this by students that do not have the privilege to live on our side of campus.  CRW is a place where you get to know your neighbors, more importantly- want to know your neighbors, and where you can watch families grow before your eyes.  (Trust me, some days it seems as though everyone has five children running around.)  While we are currently childless, we chose to live here so that we could have a dog.  Little did I know, moving into our apartment here would change me forever.  Someday I will hopefully write more about it, but CRW has directly impacted the way I view Christians, community, and myself.
Like any place, it isn't perfect.  Sometimes I feel like everyone is in my business and when I am cranky and don't want to run in to ten people I know just on the way to the mailbox, it can be difficult.  But, when I am feeling antisocial, I just have to think about being (unrealistically) terrified of my strange neighbors as a young child, or of college kids puking outside my flat in downtown Madison, and I instantly remember how blessed we are to call this strange place home.

3. Family
Brent and I have amazing families.  Various members have made the journey to see us, for which we a incredibly grateful.  Others have kept in touch over Skype (a blessing in itself) or through my personal favorite- snail mail!  They all came together to help us have a wonderful wedding celebration in May, a year after our elopement.  We feel very loved.

Wedding combined families shot; photo by Adam Silverman

4. Friends
Moving away from our Wisconsin friends was the hardest thing ever.  Brent and I are both the kind of people that build friendships very slowly, so leaving behind awesome people was terrible, to say the least.  Thank God, again, for Skype.  We really should use it more (wink, wink).  The wedding celebration, while kind of a HUGE pain to plan from afar, brought us closer to some of our best friends and gave us new memories to take home to Jersey.
Having never lived in a place like CRW, I was sure we were destined to be lonely for the next 4 years.  Then, immediately after I moved in, there was a knock on the door, followed shortly thereafter by several more.  There were invites to cook-outs, book clubs, Bible study, and parties.  I've learned a lot lately about building relationships as adults, and I feel truly blessed to have so many people willing to help me struggle along awkwardly to new lasting friendships.  Brent has also made several friends at work, so we are doing alright.

Bible Study group 2011-12; photo by Kim Schmidt

 5. Philip J. Fry
We are both well aware of how demented our affection for our monster-puppy is.  Regardless, he was the best decision and purchase we have ever made.  Yes, he is a roadblock to certain friendships, since anyone wanting to hang out at our place has to be willing to put up with shenanigans and copious amounts of dog hair, but we can't imagine how lonely and boring life would be without him.  If you just witnessed him throwing a tantrum outside, you may not see him the way we do.  In this way, I am learning a lot about how it must be to have children :)
Sometimes we go to a party and all I can think about later is how stupid I must have sounded, going on and on about my dog.  Oh well.  It is a sickness I am willing to endure.  Fry isn't just any dog.  He's ours!

He has enriched our lives and I haven't been lonely one single day since he came home with us.  It may be due to the fact that he was person-less for the first 8 or so months of his life, but Fry treats us like other dogs.  This can be problematic, but it also means that we are a pack.  He isn't just a pet and we aren't just his owners.  Instead, we are a single unit.  He makes this clear all the time.  He herds us together when we are spread out, he includes himself in hugs, and he cries when one of us leaves.  I wish it was socially acceptable to bring him everywhere the way so many people in Princeton cart their little dogs around.  Then again, maybe not.      

  I promise not to wait another 10 months before I write again...

Blessings,
Callie

Tomato Cobbler with Sage and Olive Oil Fried Eggs

You could call me a tomato fanatic. 
Also, Mark Bittman is a genius.

Tomato Cobbler with Sage and Olive Oil Fried Eggs
Source: Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Vegetarian
Yield: feeds 2-4 people since I cut the recipe in half (below is the 1/2 recipe).

Ingredients for cobbler:
oil or butter for the baking dish
1.5-2 pounds ripe tomatoes, cored and cut into wedges
1/2 tbsp corn starch
salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup all-purpose flour, plus more if needed (I used whole wheat instead)
1/2 cup cornmeal
1/2 + 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp baking soda
2 tbsp butter, cut into large pieces and very cold
1 egg beaten (really, it should be 1/2 of 1 egg, but I messed this part up and it turned out okay)
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp buttermilk (I had heavy cream so I used that + a splash of vinegar)

Directions for cobbler:
1. Grease a square baking dish (or smaller) with the butter or oil.  Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Put the tomato wedges in a large bowl and sprinkle with the cornstarch and some salt and pepper.  Toss gently to combine.
3. Put the flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and baking soda in a food processor along with a teaspoon of salt.  Add the butter and pulse a few times until the mixture looks like coarse breadcrumbs.  Add the egg and buttermilk and pulse a few times more, until the mixture comes together in a ball.  If the mixture doesn't come together, add a spoonful or two of flour.  If the mixture is too dry, add a few drops of buttermilk.
4. Gently toss the tomato mixture again and spread it in the bottom of the prepared baking dish.  Drop spoonfuls of the batter on top and smooth a bit with a knife.  (Try to leave some gaps so that the steam from the tomato mixture will have a place to escape as the cobbler bakes.)  Bake for 30-45 minutes, until golden on top and bubbly underneath.  Cool to just barely warm or room temperature.  To serve, scoop servings out with a large spoon.

Notes:
I'd recommend adding some herbs to the topping and a little cheese.  Mmm.


Sage and Olive Oil Fried Eggs
Ingredients:
Sage leaves
Olive Oil
Eggs
Salt and Pepper


Directions:
1. Heat the oil in the pan on medium high.  When the oil is hot, add the eggs and sage leaves.  As soon as the egg whites turn opaque, turn the heat to low and cook until desired stage.  Season with salt and pepper.

Coffee Cupcakes with Whiskey Maple Butter Cream (a la Irish Coffee)

My friends know that if I'm not drinking beer or wine, I'm drinking whiskey.  Make that Jameson Irish Whiskey NEAT to be specific.  I love the color- golden beautiful amber.  I love the warmth it creates in my belly.  I often tell my husband that the only thing I dislike about whiskey is the fact that I can't drink very much of it; it's very powerful stuff.  On the other hand, he hates the it.
On a desperate night last winter, we were going out late to meet friends.  I was torn, being incredibly cold in our crappy apartment, between whiskey for warmth and coffee for energy.  Brent randomly decided to pour whiskey into the coffee concentrate I make and keep in the fridge for my morning iced coffee (yes, even in the winter I tend to drink my coffee iced since it's easy to make and less acidic).  The result was quite magical.  The two flavors married so well that Brent not only tolerated it, but loved it.  I know we aren't the first people to put the two together, but it was pretty awesome.
This weekend I found myself surrounded by cake ingredients that needed to be used up.  I started searching for whiskey frosting recipes and here is what I came up with:

Coffee Cupcakes with Whiskey Maple Butter Cream
Adapted from: cupcake recipe from Martha Stewart and frosting from Cupcake Rehab
Yield: around 36 mini cupcakes

Ingredients for cupcakes:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup boiling water
2 tablespoons instant-espresso powder
1/4 cup whole milk
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed light-brown sugar
2 large eggs

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line pan with liners.
2. Pour water over espresso powder; let cool.  Combine espresso with milk.
3. Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Beat butter and granulated and brown sugars with a mixer on medium speed until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in flour mixture in 3 additions, alternating with espresso-milk mixture, beginning and ending with flour (batter may look broken).
4. Fill cups three-quarters full. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the centers comes out clean, 10-12 minutes. Let cool; turn out cupcakes from tins.
 
Ingredients for frosting: (I used 1/2 of this recipe)
1 cup butter, room temperature
2 tablespoons maple syrup or extract (room temp. if you use syrup; I used the extract- I'd use a bit less than called for since it is intense stuff)
2  tablespoons Jameson or other Irish whiskey
4-6 cups confectioners’ sugar

Directions:
1. Combine butter, maple syrup, Jameson and 2 cups confectioners sugar in a large bowl and beat at medium-high speed until smooth.
2. Add remaining sugar in gradually until frosting is thick enough to pipe easily. You may not use all the sugar. If icing is too dry, add additional milk until desired consistency is reached.  Frost cupcakes.

Bumpy Cake Cupcakes

My wonderful neighbor Lisa had a birthday this weekend.  She's from Detroit, home to a culinary delight known as Bumpy Cake.  I really wonder how this cake developed; it is quite bizarre yet familiar.  The original Bumpy Cake came from a company in Michigan called Sanders.  Basically, it's a rich chocolate cake topped with rows of butter cream icing "bumps" and a layer of ganache over that. 
(Warning: I must emphasize here that I strayed incredibly far from my pseudo-vegan/health conscious roots here.  I even bought corn syrup....which is kind of magical.) Shh...don't tell.  I've never had good success with vegan ganache, but this vegan one was pretty great.

Here's my cupcake take:

Pre-ganache

Bumpy Cake Cupcakes
Source: lovestoeat.wordpress.com
Yield: 11 cupcakes

Ingredients for cake:
11/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
11/4 cups granulated sugar
4 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 stick unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 large eggs, lightly beaten

Ingredients for buttercream:
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 tablespoons heavy cream

Ingredients for ganache topping:
4 T cocoa
2 T oil
2 T + 4 t water
2 T dark corn syrup
2 C powdered sugar

Directions for the cake:
1. Position a rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 350. Place paper liners in a cupcake pan.
2. Sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt in a bowl.
3. Bring the sugar and 1 cup water to a boil in a saucepan, stirring until the sugar dissolves, about 3 minutes. Pour into a large bowl; add the chocolate and butter and let sit, stirring occasionally, until the chocolate is melted and the mixture has cooled slightly.
4. Stir in the vanilla. Using a mixer, beat in the eggs, then mix in the dry ingredients.
Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans (about 1/4 cup batter per cupcake) and bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 25 minutes. Cool in the pans for about 25 minutes, then transfer cupcakes to a rack to cool completely.

Directions for the butter cream:
Meanwhile, prepare the filling: Using a mixer, cream the butter until light and fluffy. Beat in 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar. Add the vanilla and 1 tablespoon heavy cream; beat until smooth. Beat in the remaining 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar and 2 tablespoons heavy cream in batches, alternating after each addition. Fill pastry bag and  set aside.

Directions for the ganache:
1. Mix all except sugar in a saucepan and heat, stirring, until hot. Mix in sugar and stir until smooth.

To assemble:
After cupcakes cool, pipe strips of butter cream on each cupcake. Freeze for at least 30 mins. Make ganache and once frozen, dip the cupcakes into the ganache. Refridgerate until set. Enjoy with a large glass of cold (almond or soy) milk!